jessa

i always seem to succumb to my tears. i\'m so lonely in the dead of night, everyone\'s sleeping and unsuspecting to my screams in the dark. the darkness embraces me in its harrowing grip as i wrestle to be free. except freedom equals destinction between choices that i\'ll need to commit myself to. i need to commit myself to its embrace because i just can\'t decide. so the struggle will continue but now i realize the battle is with myself, the endeavor that will last forever is within me.

Do you happen to recall When i ran round and round Til i finally hit the wall All the time my hands were bound And in the end you are what i found The wall is something i had made I felt I needed it to hide But all along I paid With loneliness inside me, I cried But now the insanity is on the other side Now with you I have a ball I am finally unwound I no longer feel like I will fade I have you with me along for the ride

I said I want to be alone. I don\'t believe in love no more. All my beliefs have escaped the cage and flown. And then I wonder just what is this life for? I say that I just want to have fun. Just have a good time and be done. I don\'t want to pretend to be something I\'m not. Because in the end the relationship will just rot. Though now time has passed. And i feel my body is in a cast. I can not move, I can not feel. I guess when this is gone I will heal. Because of these emotions struggling inside of me,        my attitude is changing now. My thoughts are kept to myself and i feel so lonely. I feel the need to share my life

I think way too much My mind just races About all the things I have done And everybody\'s faces I obsess over little things Only I never noticed I think of all the little details Until they get me pissed Someone pointed this out to me Now I think about how much I think But it\'s just I try to make sense of it all But its in these thoughts that I will sink and drown

your mouth stays shut. but what goes on in that head? your stare can cut piercing trhough with dread. you\'re off in space. you don\'t even hear a mumble. you\'re driving like it\'s a race. and i\'m just waiting for you to fumble. no one will know what you think. you never let anyone inside. hell even when you drink you still mentally run and hide.

i never thought i could survive without you you were all i knew then i took the plunge into a world of complete grunge that\'s what i saw when i first took you off of me and all i wanted was for people to let me be i didn\'t want to know anyone i didn\'t think i could have anymore fun but paradoxically i was just beginning to step out and grow my wings i finally could fly away but you\'re still there, you still stay i flee from the misery just trying to get a life and survive.

can never have fun, must be drawn down even in the high situations expecting to much from the people and the day always seeing the gray clouds and never the silver lining i\'m always pushing the red button, never letting it rebuild a sip of this, a taste of that, laughter behind and all around, smoke filled clouds surround til i\'m captured by the darkness can\'t escape the thoughts of the actions of the moments of the day of my life

walking on the edge of the building arms swing out to try to keep balance the ground so close i can see the cracks from here    and yet so far that one slip can cost me everything everything that i worked so hard to get away from.  everything    that i\'ve worked so hard to achieve. the ground is death for me - only isolation, depsair, and loneliness and i teeter on it i teeter on happiness i am happy when i\'m with you but you cause me to seesaw between life and death you are bad for me but why do bad things feel so good? they make you feel alive by showing you death so then maybe you are good for me i only know that when i\'